Yesterday was not a good day to be an adoptee. If you read yesterday's post, you can tell how frustrated I get some days when new things are learned. It makes me think of what one adoptee had told me recently.
"Some days I wished I wasn't in this mess that my mother created."
Yeah, I have those thoughts too I have to admit. Now they are getting fewer and far between. My mother is in her late 50s and I am not sure if I will ever get the true story of my adoption process. She won't talk to me about it. She has even said "If I could fix it, I would." Now that tells me "what do you need me, as your mother, to do to help you through this?" Apparently what she said doesn't mean what I think it means. Therefore, I have no clue what she means. I even asked her the last time I saw her what did she mean, and she just looked at me shaking her head.
So this reminds me of my earlier days when I was very young. I would think, "I really wished my mother would at least try to fix how I feel about her and adoption. If she would just try." Now, I just have to keep telling myself that one day the doors are going to open wide up and everything will be great.
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2 comments:
Hope you are feeling better. I had those BAD episodes (Bad Adoption Days).
Know them well.
sending hugs.
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