Adoptees Attacked on Blog Land

I have been reading blogs for a couple of months now because I was seeking something. Didn't know what it was but I figured when I found it, it would hit me.

I did find the blog that I mentioned in one of my previous blogs about the girl, who wasn't a mother or an adoptee, who was making comments. She was attacking mothers who gave their children up. What really struck me in that blog was the date. It was November of 2007. I just couldn't believe that mothers were still getting attacked in the present. Really I thought I was the last adoptee or person on this earth that quit attacking mothers for giving up their children. Hey if I could find peace with it and forgiveness and understanding, everyone else in this world could.

Since finding that blog and comments, I have really had compassion for my mother and other mothers as well. When I talk to another natural mother, I tell her I am sorry that she had to go through what she did. When I told my mother that I was sorry she had to go through that, she didn't believe me, but at least I told her and she will have to deal with that her own way. Hopefully soon, she will really see that I am truly sorry for what she went through.

As I was reading other blogs, I noticed that some people had started to heal from adoption. I didn't realize I needed to heal from adoption until a few months ago and maybe that was what I was seeking. HEALING.

My friends that I hang around with are very good friends. They are very supportive with me and my relationship with my natural mother. I even have friends that take care of the puppies when I go to visit her so that I don't have to take them. I am very blessed to have my friends. But even talking with them about the things I go through with my mother is not quiet the same as talking with another reunited adoptee or a reunited mother. That is why I like reading other adoptee or mother's blogs. Some days I read something and it helps me to heal.

I did read a blog this past weekend that the mother had not posted in quite awhile on her post, but for some reason, every now and then, I would go back to her blog just to see if any new post was present. She posted a letter to her daughter on her blog. The letter was a response to her daughter's question, "What am I suppose to tell my child when they ask me why you gave me away?" When I was reading her response, I felt like it was my mother talking to me. The first few sentences read, "I have told you this before but I will answer again. I feel like you want a quick answer, but the answer will never make it ok." And then she continues on with the answer.

When I went to see my mother for the first time in years a few months ago, we went down the path of "unlimited questions". Well, I went down the path and dragged my mother down it with me. Yes, she had answered them before, but after all these years, I couldn't remember the answer to them. I know she had answered the questions before, but hey that was 18 years ago and my memory is really shot now. But not only do I not remember the answers, I know back then I really didn't even LISTEN to the answers. I was just firing away each question. I didn't realize that I needed to put them to long-term memory.

I still have a ton of questions that I would love to ask my mother, but choose not to right now. It would not help our relationship grow right now and in time I will ask them if I need to get them answered. Who knows, they all may get answered with just us spending time together.

But back to blogging. After seeing so many adoption related blogs, I thought that might help me get through this trying time of my mother and me bonding and maybe I could get some anger, hurting, or sadness out of my system if I could write it down.

I guess this writing stuff down is helping because it seems I don't have something to say every day about adoption. I even caught myself trying to make a post without anything to say and realized that I don't have to be hurt every day by adoption or sad or anger. Some days can be happy days and some days are happy days.

But reading other's blogs brought on some questions that I can not ask my own mother but chose to ask other mothers. So I would finally get the nerve to comment on some one's blog. I really hate commenting or even emails that have emotion attached to them because you never know how the other person is going to take the comment or email because they set the "tone" of your comment or email. But, hey, this is adoption land and us adoptees need other mothers some times to explain things when our own mother can't or won't.

I have to say, I also didn't realize how some mothers out there just attack adoptive parents or even us adoptees. When I finally got the nerve up to comment, thinking it was a compassionate, "hey I support you", "Just wondering how you feel about.." comment, I even got blasted for words that I chose to use. Hey I am an adoptee, I am on your side. I am not blasting you for your opinions or things you say. I just had a question or comment. Do not think I am here to squash you like a bug because you are a natural mother. I do have compassion for what you are going through and what you have been going through.

Even in forum land, it seems that natural mothers are blasting adoptees for comments. Some mothers might ask how can we adoptees feel like this. We in turn are open and honest and tell them and then the you-know-what hits the fan. I even noticed that natural mothers really hate adoptive parents. Apparently they are the ones to blame (oh don't get me started on the word "blame") for all this trauma. And then of course, us adoptees, take up for our adoptive parents and then the natural mothers tell us not to and then it keeps going.

So I ended up noticing that not many adoptees contribute to forums or comments that natural mothers have created because of all this. And now that I have learned my lesson about committing or asking questions, I think I will cross the line with the other adoptees and sit on the side lines watching.

Maybe I should keep my comments to myself and just go "hmmmmm, that's interesting."