Secrets

This past weekend I took my oldest son to an instructor that would show him how to ride his dirt bike better. He had a wreck on it last year and has been a little scared of the bike since. The lesson did him some good and now he is excited about dirt bike racing again. The lesson was suppose to last 2 hours, but 4 hours later, we put the bike in the trailer and was heading home which was still a 2 hour drive away.

We were in the same city as my nmom was and I had told her that we would try to stop by some time after the lessons, but I did not expect that it would run 4 hours long. I called her up and asked her if she still wanted us to stop by, since it was so late, and she said that she did. My youngest son had stayed with my parents back home and I was suppose to be home around 6pm that evening to pick him up. Well, it was already 6pm when we left the dirt back track.

We were headed over to my nmom's house when my amom called and asked when we were heading home. I told her we had just left and was stopping for a bite to eat and then heading home.

We got to my nmom's house and visited for 2 hours. I did not know that my nsister's daughter was going to be there. But was glad to see her so that my oldest son could play with her and get to know her. My son knows who she is, but had forgotten her name. He has only seen her once before this time. My niece had forgotten my son's name so when she was in the computer room, she kept saying "Hey, come here." So my nmom yelled out "who are you talking to?" and she said "that boy." I laughed and said, "wow, they are cousins and don't know each other's name." And then it hit me.

I don't like being the "secret" child nor have I ever liked it. My nsister does not have anything to do with me and would prefer to have our mother not have anything to do with me. She really doesn't tolerate my visits and makes our mother feel really bad when I visit or want to do something with the family.

But this visit, I had my chance to say something. So I walked to the computer room and I looked at my niece and said, "Your cousin's name is xxxx."

She said "what?"

I said "Your cousin's name is xxxx."

She gave me the puzzled look and said "what?"

I know she heard what I said and I knew the question was meant for the word "cousin". She is 8, my son 10 and they know what "cousin" means.
I decided that it was time to ruffle some feathers with my nsister so I told my niece, "Ask your mom about him being your cousin. She'll tell you all about it." Then I turned and left the room.

I kinda enjoyed that because it is time for my nsister to acknowledge who I am. Unfortunately, an 8 year old had to be a part of that. My niece will be fine. Don't know if she asked anyone about my son being her cousin, but it made me feel a little better about being a part of the family.

I finally had to leave to go home and pick up my other son from my parents, knowing it was going to be late when we got home for a Saturday night. We were heading out and before I walked out the door, I hugged my nmom. Wow what a shock I got. She didn't hug me back. The reason? My niece was standing right there. It was like my nmom was saying "Oh, I can't show any emotion to my daughter because my granddaughter might ask questions and then I would have to hear about it from my other daughter."

We left and I called my amom and told her we were on our way. She asked why we were so late heading back and I told her we just were. Nope, didn't tell her that we stopped at nmom's house.

I can't really get upset with my nmom for not hugging me back and the reason she didn't because I couldn't tell my amom I stopped by to see nmom for a little bit because I didn't want to talk about my visit with my nmom to my amom. I know deep down she knew exactly why I was leaving for home so late, but neither one of us would acknowledge that the other knew.

My how "secrets" still continue after 40 years.