I wrote on this many months ago, but this still is bothering me today.
I have been granted all my nmother’s records from the adoption agency, but have not taken the offer yet. I still catch myself doing things in steps and when I am ready to have those records all to myself, I will get them. I have seen them and know what is there, but still not prepared to have them to myself.
What still bothers me:
“I understand that either way, once the Court terminates my parental rights, I have no further say concerning my child.”
This sentence was on the adoption contract that my nmother was forced to sign.
Did she really think she had no further say concerning me?
Did she just sign the paper knowing that was what she needed to do at the time?
Did she even read the papers?
What if she read the papers, did she think that maybe someday she might have a say concerning me?
This part gets me: The agency probably told her that I wasn’t her child, but in this statement, the agency admits that I was her child.
We have had our ups and downs, our "in" the relationship and "out" of the relationship, but truth be told, we would rather be together than be apart.
The girls
About Me
- TheRightThing
- I am an adoptee that has been reunited for 20 years with my mother. Unfortunately, it took me 41 years to come to grips with being adopted and wanting to be a part of my natural family. I am hoping to allow myself to release the built up emotions that I carried through life and allow myself to have two families that I love very much.
3 comments:
IT is very disturbing.
I didn't read the papers when I signed them. I was crying and couldn't see well enough to read.
But I knew they meant I had no rights.
T,
Here are the answers according to my experience, and likely your nmom's as well:
“I understand that either way, once the Court terminates my parental rights, I have no further say concerning my child.” This sentence was on the adoption contract that my nmother was forced to sign.
Yup, that's what we were told..
Did she really think she had no further say concerning me?
Without a doubt.
Did she just sign the paper knowing that was what she needed to do at the time?
I can't speak for her, but yes, that's what I believed I had to do.
Did she even read the papers?
Probably not. I didn't read mine. The judge explained and I, scared to death, signed.
What if she read the papers, did she think that maybe someday she might have a say concerning me?
Not likely. I'm quite sure those papers said, you're done, no say, no relationship, get the hell outta here.
This part gets me: The agency probably told her that I wasn’t her child, but in this statement, the agency admits that I was her child.
I'm sure they did. The judge told me I had no further claim to my child's life in 1970. That I should never ever try to find him or interfere in his life. Was that in the papers? I don't know.
IMHO, you need to cut your nmom some slack, realize that she is as much a victim as you, let the past go, and build from here. Clearly you have a going relationship -- something i no longer have with my son even after 13 years. Consider yourself lucky and stop angsting!!!
Perhaps I'm being insensitive to the adoptee view, but for cryin' out loud, we all have good and bad days, even outside of adoption. You have a shot at normal that I don't have. I suggest you grab it.
I don't remember reading the words on the paper, but I fully understood that after that day the child was no longer mine. It's not something that I wanted to hear, but when you are placing a child for adoption, you can't say I agree to this part, but not of this part.
Also remember we as people in general don't have a right to our children no more than I have a right to your children. It's just the facts. If my child is over 18 and I find her and she don't want to know me.. I can't force her too. I don't have a right to her.
It never occurred to me that I would set eyes on my child that I placed until a few years ago. If you go through life without seeing your child. It's hard to imagine them being a adult and able to make their own choice.
Post a Comment