I don't remember much of the day that I met my nmother face to face, except for being nervous the night before and the day of. We set a 1 o'clock meeting at the adoption agency that I was adopted from. We were to meet in the office of the adoption counselor that had been meeting with me for the last few years and the one who found my nmother for me.
Unknown to me, he had asked her to meet with him an hour before we were to meet. He told me this a few months later. He said he wanted to prepare her to meet me. Since he had introduced a lot of other adoptees and their natural mother/father, he has seen a lot of meetings that went wrong as soon as the meeting started. He wanted to make sure that she understood that I was 21 years old and not a baby any more. He has seen some natural mothers/fathers come in with baby gifts for their relinquished children. He knew that would not work for me.
We talked for about 3 hours and then I left. I had given her my plans for Thanksgiving and she invited me to join her family for Thanksgiving. I declined since I hadn't told my parents about our visit. We exchanged phone numbers and addresses.
Our reunited life began after that. Past posts have explained what happened after our meeting if you are interested in reading them.
There are things that I would change if I had a magical genie who could turn back time.
I would have taken her up on her offer to join her family for Thanksgiving. I would have been able to meet my half siblings a lot sooner. I think that my half-sister and I would have a better relationship now if I would have done this.
I would have not told my parents about my reunion. Things have been said and feelings have been hurt because of this. But it would have been hard to keep it away from them.
I would have kept in better contact through the years instead of letting hurt and bitter feelings get in the way.
I would have gotten help to deal with the adoption feelings that I didn't know I had. That way the emotions I was going through all these years would not be toward my natural mother.
There are lots of things I would love to change in my life when it comes to my reunion but the most important one is: I would have gone into that first meeting thinking I would have a relationship with her for the rest of my life.
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1 comment:
Ah, regrets. I too have many regarding my reunion. But they are kinda useless unless we use what we learned to do things differently in the future. You can still get help, find a therapist or support group where you can sort through your feelings and resolve your issues. Better late than never. After all, you have lots of years left with your n-family and a-family.
(((HUGS)))
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