Weekend Visit

For many years I thought that I wanted a mother/daughter relationship with my nmother. When we first met, I did not want this kind of relationship because it never occurred to me to have a relationship with her or that I even could have a relationship with her.

My only concern in life was to have a career. Life was ahead of me and my career was about to start. I was finally going to be free to do whatever I wanted to do. I didn’t have time to think about adoption and its toll on my life.

When I was in my mid-twenties, it finally struck me that I had a bond with her. A bond that was deep down and crying to get out. I yearned for that mother/daughter relationship. With no help, I tried to achieve that relationship, but it didn’t happen. I can finally say that both of us didn’t realize what each other felt nor did we communicate very well about it. We thought we were at the same understanding, but in fact, we were not. We were on a different plane, coming from different angles, because of the different adoption experiences that we had.

This past weekend almost nullifies my past experiences with adoption. My nmother, half-sister, and her husband came to spend the night at my house this weekend. I never thought that my half-sister, the one that hated me for so long, would ever set foot in my house.

They drove 2 hours to visit this past Saturday night. When they arrived, we met at Cracker Barrel for dinner. At one point in time, while sitting down and waiting on our food, my brother-n-law was talking on his cell phone. Apparently, the other person asked him where he was. He said, “Sitting in Cracker Barrel with my wife’s sister.” You could hear a pin drop in the gift shop area. I don’t think I could talk for at least 5 minutes after this. I don’t think my sister could speak for longer than that. He actually said "sister" out loud. He actually accepts that we are sisters, but she is still not quite there yet.

Even though it wasn’t an exhaustive weekend or visit, I am very emotionally drained. I never dreamed that my sister would spend the night at my house. We talked, laughed and carried on like we were sisters. I think this has changed my relationship with my nmother also. She sees that mine and my sister's attitude about each other is changing. Even her behavior with me is changing.