Vacation

I have to admit that my vacation was a little different than what I thought it would be. I thought that I would finally get to the point of my relationship with my natural mother that I was not insecure about it. I thought that we would come back from the cruise closer than we had ever been and knowing that nothing would get in the way of our relationship. So much for thinking.

I wanted to go on vacation with my nmom to be able to get closer to her and it just be the 2 of us and no one else could get in the way of our relationship for 7 days. My nmom has a tendency to allow her other daughter to rule our relationship and my nmom worries all the time that her other daughter will stop having a relationship with her because of our relationship. I can honestly say that no one did get in the way of our relationship while we were gone. But when we got back, my nmom went right back into the "I have other children and I can't have a total relationship with you" mode.

I also thought that I would learn things about my nmom that I didn't know, but that didn't happen. What happened was my nmom learned who I was and the "little" things that I do in my life. The bad part was that she would vocal all the things that I would do that she didn't understand. She would ask me "Why do you do this....or why do you do that?" In fact, at one point in time, I said, "Can I do anything right?" You don't want to know her answer.

Our cruise made us be on the ship for 2 1/2 days. I was shocked that we did really well in those days. About half way through the cruise, we ended up having a discussion about our relationship. She had mentioned to my brother that she did not want to discuss adoption or our relationship with me on our trip. But she was the one that opened up the "can of worms" and I decided to join right in.

Right now, I can't even remember how she brought it up but I do remember some of the conversation. There is particularly one part that I was glad to be able to say. She told me that she wanted me and her other daughter (yes, my sister) to be able to be close. (Now, how can I be close to my sister when I can't even have a close relationship with my nmom? Go figure) I told her that my sister and I would never be close until my sister forgave her, my nmom. She looked at me in surprise. I said, "We will never be close until she forgives you. Think about it. All those years that she was growing up thinking that she was the first born and the only daughter and you told her about right and wrong. Then when she was 17 years old, you pull her outside one day and tell her that she is not the first born and she is not the only daughter. That there is another that you have never told her about. Now think about being 17 years old, a girl, and your mother just telling you these things. Being 17 is a hard enough age for a girl, but your mother telling you something like this? And then you have never dealt with it yourself and never talk to her about it. You just think everything will just go right in to place; like nothing ever happened. Yeah, I don't think so. She stays mad at me because that is her way of venting her anger toward you. She can't be mad at you because you are her mother. It is easier for her to be upset with me and not deal with it than to sit down and tell you how she feels and how angry she was when she found out about me." My nmom just looked at me and said nothing. That pretty much ended the adoption talk for the trip. At least I finally got to say why my sister will not have a relationship with me.